Top 10 Best (Worst) Ways to Kill Wesley Crusher

Written by capnasty

10  After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in 10-forward, Wes stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell." His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.

9  Wesley gets gang-raped by a group of female Klingons.

8  Riker gets carried away executing an order from Picard to "knock the little snot around a bit."

7  Data catches him tossing off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Wesley, who dies of embarrassment.

6  Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite ensign has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.

5  Wes gets gang-raped by a group of male Klingons.

4  On an earlier episode, Wes got to kiss a girl who turned into a Chewbacca-like creature. Here, she returns, and they once again get involved. (Un)fortunately, once she gets really heated, she mutates back into a wookie and forces Wesley to be her cringing sex slave. She then tears him limb from limb and eats him.

3  In a rare episode involving characters from both ST and ST:TNG, Spock attempts a Vulcan mind-meld with Wesley. Wesley's head explodes. Spock barely survives, spending the next several days scratching himself and whining.

2  Worf notices a Romulan ship on the scanners, and sends Wesley down to clean out the photon tubes. Later, someone makes a comment about the needs of the many having outweighed the needs of the few.

1  Wes gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing," not realizing that tribbles multiply anywhere. Even an emergency laser enema by Dr. Crusher fails to save him.