Review of Bruce Jenners Decathlon

Just do it!.. but why bother?

Written by Lord Lansdowne

I'm just terribly hurt. I keep on getting games that really have nothing interesting into them. Fifty-nine bucks (Reads 59$) spent on basically a computer manual more then a game that allows you to be just like your all-favorite star Bruce Jenner when he was young and athletic.He must've really needed the money to accept such a job, and what was the computer company thinking when they published this one? If I want to find information about the Decathlon I can either go to the library,or check on the Internet, where the information is absolutely free.Just one search brought me screens and screens of information. I did another search on Bruce Jenner, the information was low, but I guess so is his popularity this days.

There have been a lot of sport games coming up, but nothing in which the toughest thing you do is press the space bar or click the left mouse button to make the player do something, like jumping. You train him to build his endurance, which at the beginning will be very low (and buddy Brucie will taunt you). You can play single or multiplayer all the season events, if say, you got tired of playing Quake against your friends, you can challenge them at throwing the discus.

A whole 2 out of 10 (the shape of the box was nice)

Storyline/Performance: There is no story to this game. (Is it a game?What is this?) The Introduction leaves a bit to be desired,but at least it's not one of those games were the intro is everything,and ooops, we forgot about making the game any good. In Decathlon it sucks from the moment you install it. There are a lot of videos of buddy Brucie who will tell you plenty of information about the decathlon,which will help you along the way.

Strategy/Tips: Don't buy the game. You did? Oh crap. Then read the manual, which will explain the most important parts of the game, while creating your new player and how to train him to be perfectly fit. Sadly it is not going to make the game any better. Also, listen to what Brucie says in the Coach Room, because, according to the manual"some of his tips may help you become a better Decathlon player!" . The"may" part leaves me pondering. On a good side, there are no complicated key commands, like in NHL Powerplay 96 were you had a combination of keys to press depending on what you wanted the player to do. Here you press space. So keep your eyes peeled when you play, and when you feel the time is right, press that space bar. Train yourself, so you can become perfect.Also your player has a certain amount of endurance. Try not to use it all for just one event, or you'll do poorly on the next ones.

Audio/Video: Bruce is the star of the game. You can turn the volume of his voice off, but he will still make sense since he moves his arms constantly (is he trying to fly?), or turn Bruce off completely (that should teach him a lesson). The AVI in which he is on, he looks at you to give you a brief introduction of what you are going to (painfully)endure. In the Coach Room, he talks, but he is looking elsewhere, perhaps towards some imaginary person that is interviewing him. (poor sad sack of shit). The videos are crisp, the images are not slowing down, that's probably because the game screen takes about half the monitor and whatever buddy Brucie says to you takes 1/4 of that. You can still make out hisface though and that annoying hand movements of his. The game's sound are below any quality standard made. The crowd cheers, but it sounds more like wind blowing against a microphone, whoever created the music has the worse taste, and the voice of the "judge" that screams "FOUL!"sounds like it's coming from someone's stomach. The graphics are nothing special either, with athletes that look like they have been inflated with helium, with all their happy round arms and legs.

Playability: What's there to play? You create your athlete, select his skin color, nationality, how long he has been playing, change his skills around to improve his endurance and then you train him. Or actually, you train yourself in understanding when to slam that space key so your player does his best. There is no real point to the game,no plot, and after you raced against other players (may this be real or virtual) you can do it all over again for your own personal glory,and see if you can break and records.

Compare to: Compare? You mean there is other stuff as bad as this one out there?

Nice Touches: None.

Not-so-nice-Touches: The game is an insult to the word game itself.There is no concept of making the player interested in playing more.Unless you are a secret devoted fan of Bruce Jenner and find Decathlon incredibly exciting, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT buy this game.The list of negative things about this game could go on and on, butI don't want to get insulting.

Hintbook/Manual: The manual is well done, (at least they gotone right) with a description of all the events you will be involved with, what the showers actually do (you'll loooooove this one), and of course, a brief (not his underwear) history of the great Brucie (I'm already sick and tired of this loser). The manual is glossy, so you can't really recycle it as toilet paper, tempted as you will.

System Requirements: 486DX-2, 8 MB of RAM, SVGA, 2x CD-ROM and Windows 95.