I was just forced-fed this ad when I visited the A.V. Club and then, rather than actually watching what I went there to see, I went looking for the commercial on YouTube. Why? Because I was both revolted and fascinated to see a commercial tailored around hipsters that I needed to watch it again and again. When your unconventional, libertarian, unique and non-commercial life-style is worthy to be depicted in advertising, you're not so fresh and cutting-edge anymore. Unless that's ironic, and I'm not too smart to get it.
The commercial takes place in a coffee shop -- I know, whuddathink? -- and features a loserish looking hipster stirring a cappuccino's foamy heart. As this commercial is titled "The EX," I'm assuming that implies some deep significance but I was more taken aback that there were no Apple products to be seen anywhere in this coffee shop. What dignified hipster would chill in a place that doesn't offer free WiFi where they can linger for hours after buying a single macchiato as they surf aimlessly on their shiny Apple product? I digress.
Cut to the girl waltzing in, you see in the picture above. She's wearing a Goodwill dress and Converse shoes and orders something or other from the barrista. The barrista is sporting such a menacing beard you'd think he sleeps under a bridge when his shift is over. Interestingly, our hero is in centre view, yet she somehow manages not to see him, probably because she's finally met a man who makes her feel like a woman for once and wants nothing more at to do with him -- plus he has the nerve to like bands people have actually heard of. Who does this guy think he is?! Forgive me: that's my chauvinistic self talking out loud.
Anyway. Our "hero," aware the girl is in the same coffee shop, wants to do something, but the tortured look on his perfectly curated stubble suggests he doesn't know what, exactly. Rather than downing a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, he pops a gum (you'd think she'd love to smell his cappucino-infused breath) and starts to imagine how to approach her. Scene changes to short clips of movies played by our two characters, ranging from a suave black and white Casablanca, all the way to a 1954 rendition of Ulysses done in Technicolour. Why are they doing this, you ask? Cuz the movies are so retro.
After a handful of pointless scenes like these, the hero simply opens the door for the girl who now is forced to acknowledge that he still exists (and hasn't, instead, died falling off his fixy, another gruesome death which could've been prevented had he only worn an helmet), looks at him uncomfortably, smiles and takes off. Our hero looks satisfied while a disco ball drops from the ceiling and confetti shoot everywhere for his courage to achieve absolutely nothing. WTF.
Remember how gay people were frowned upon by corporations until they realised gay people also had money to spend? Go to Gay Pride now and you'll be amazed at the corporate sponsors. Pabst Blue Ribbon has engaged in some clever marketing tailored to Hipsters, making a killing in the process -- they are now worth $250 millions. Looks like other companies have become aware that hipsters have cash and want to help them part with it. Welcome to the systems, gents.
A man, his ex and a stick of Stride gum, in an epic tale of love, loss and chewing. A Little Bit Epic.