When a movie is based on an ancient board-game, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Battleship is going to be as much fun as a turd floating in your nighty-night bathtub water. Still, I love me a scathing review and Korsgaard leaves the movie scorched. Like a paper-bag on fire. Full of poo. On the director's porch.
You know you're in trouble when the trailer tell a better story than the movie, which opens to the sight of our protagonist Alex Hopper, a cocky deadbeat who robs a convenience store to impress a chick he sees in a bar one night. Rather than go to jail for breaking and entering or grand larceny, we fast forward five years to see him as an officer in the Navy, and dating that girl from the bar, who it seems is the daughter of the commander of the US Pacific Fleet. Hopper is still a raging prick though, as he gets into a fight with an officer of the Japanese Navy, which seems to be the only other member of the International War Games, and is promised to be discharged as soon as the fleet returns to port. Before that though, it seems NASA sent a signal to an alien planet a few years back that in return sent an invasion fleet, made up of rejected CGI clips from Transformers 3. Along the way the film takes time out of its busy schedule to insult the life experiences of World War II and Afghanistan/Iraq veterans and, via a spectacularly tasteless bit of copied news footage, the victims of the London riots.
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