The self-proclaimed world's only website The Beast has put together a list of the fifty most loathsome Americans of 2010. Some of the offenders? How about Charlie Sheen, #43, for taping another season of Two and a Half Men; or LeBron James, #35, his sole contribution to society is tossing a ball through a hole; and Jim Bob Duggar, #26, the man who won't stop using his wife's vagina in order to create an army of maladjusted, fundamentalist children who hug sideways because they're afraid to bump junk and go to hell.

But the worse offender of them all? Not Sarah Palin -- though she did make sixth place -- it's you, at #1. Yeah, you, as in you, the one reading this. Here's why:

Your brain's been cobbled together over millions of years of blind evolution and it shows. You're clumsy, stupid, weak and motivated by the basest of urges. Your MO is both grotesquely selfish and unquestionably deferential to questionable authority. You're not in control of your life. You wear your ignorance like a badge of honor and gleefully submit to oppression, malfeasance and kleptocracy. You will buy anything. You will believe anything. You believe that evolution is a matter of belief. You likely scrolled down to #1, without reading the rest, because you're an impatient, semi-literate Philistine who's either unable or unwilling to digest more than 140 characters at a time.