Reasons Why Your Personal Website Bites
Capital of Nasty, an Electronic Magazine - ISSN 1482-0471
Monday, October 13, 1997 at 04:00 (468/108)
Hello children of the cheese. We get alot of mail here at the Cheese Factory from people who have websites that ask "Why don't people visit my website?" Well it's time to be brutally frank and run down the list of why some people's personal websites bite, and some tips on how to make them better.
1 Don't Put Pictures Of Your Personal Belongings On Your Website- Why is it that everytime I visit somebody's website they have some silly little line such as.. "Hi my name is nick, and I drive a van. Click here if you would like to see a picture of my van." No one wants to see a stupid picture of your '77 chevy love machine. Oh and howabout..." I have a cat named Dooky. Click here to see a picture of dooky." Uhhhhh do you think there are people whose lives are sad enough to seek comfort in a friggen picture of your cat? Please people remember, if your going to put pictures on your website make sure they're pictures of semi nude models or fights in bars. That's what the kids want to see!
2 Don't Use Your Name For The Title Of Your Website With The Word Fun Attached- If your going to name your website please refrain from using titles such as "Mike's Fun Website." People don't give a rat's pooper what Mike finds fun. A title for a website should try to draw the viewer in or at least mislead them! A cool title for a website would be "Crazy Nate's House Of Girls And Farm Animals." Even if the site doesn't contain any of that stuff at least you have the person stuck in your site. You can worry about explaining the title later.
3 People Don't Need To Know You Too Well!- Okay I understand if you would like to let people know about you, and who you are, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Don't put.....
Mike Thompson
Age- 23
35 Linefield Road Medfield Mass
(504) 444-4442
Credit Card Number- 4454-323-2323
Social Security Number- 3442-34-3343
Number Of Weeks Spent At A State Hospital- 23
Favorite Movie- Howard The Duck
Now the only problem with this one is he admitted he actually liked Howard The Duck. It's okay to put your credit card number online because it shows that you trust people enough to let them use your credit card occasionally to buy stuff... as long as they pay you back of course. We're all honest... right people?
4 Don't Make A Website If Your Just Going To Have A Bunch Of Links To Other Websites- If your going to make a website don't make a site with a bunch of links to other pages...
Hi My Name Is Lisa And Here Are My Favorite Places To Visit...
Elvis Month!
ARCHIVES
Why would someone visit a website if they knew that person was just going to show them other websites they like. You don't even know the person why would you care where they like to visit? If your going to have a website at least have a couple of sections with your thoughts on something.
5 If Your Just Going To Have A Site Full Of Links... Just Make Sure The "CHEESE FACTORY OF FUN AND LOVE" Is At The Top Of Your List- At least people will know you have taste.
6 One Picture Of You On Your Website Is Enough- Please refrain from having a site that looks like....
Hi My Name Is Mike. Click here to see a picture of me Mike's Stupid Picture. Click here to see a picture of me in Europe Some More Of Mike's Stupid Pictures. Click here to see a picture of me in my Van And Yet Another Dose Of Mike's Stupid Pictures.
One picture of you is enough.
Well that's about all for today's lesson. Please feel free to write to me about life or fast cars... Mojorisenn@aol.com
This article appears courtesy of Rob Glass and The Cheese Factory http://members.aol.com/VoodooCh1/wywbb.html
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i laughed my ass off at this! i have to do a speech for english and i decided to do it on reasons "cheesy websites". pretty sad eh?! ya anyways i came across this site and omg i laughed soooooo hard!good job!
Why does everyone have so much trouble distinguishing between the use of "Your", "You're", "Their", "They're" and "There"? Why is the word "seperate" present in 98% of the sites with bad spelling? Is the general public's average ability with the written word really so low as it can be seen on the web?
You might want to consider revising the following sentence:
"Is the general public's average ability with the written word really so low as it can be seen on the web?"
Maybe you're not a native English speaker so it's not obvious to you but you probably wanted to write "as low as can be seen".
-- Grammar Patrol
Comment to the PROPER ENGLISH commentors. Good grief, do you visit web sites just to see if the english is proper? Who gives a rat's ass. Comment about this web page, RIGHT ON! I'm a loser, please look at my personal site and tell me why I'm a loser, do I need a life?
XD LOL man this was great! and quite based on facts!
chill out out with the proper speak people, the article is good on the funny side and now I know what not to put in my website. Thanks
I wnat to get Ems address to write to him and let him know that he is great for all the things he has done and gone through. I wish I could meet him to talk about what things are like. Maybe one day I will. I hope some one can help me out. If you have his address e-mail me at CrazyButterfly83@aol.com.....Thanx
The "Ems" can be reached virtually anywhere in North America by dialing 911 on your telephone.
Ha ha ha ha! I slay me!
love
WTF.