I'm pretty torn right now, as to what movie I should write about. I've seen 3 fantastic films in the past week (Magnolia, Toy Story 2, and A Christmas Story), and I want to write about all of them. For the sake of your sanity, I'll only write about one and save the others for another issue. See how kind I am to y'all? It was a tough decision, but since it's the Christmas season, I decided on A Christmas Story. I'll tell you all about the absolute genius that is Magnolia, next issue. Maybe Toy Story 2 as well (It's better than the original folks. And I love the original!).

On to, A Christmas Story. Made in 1983 I believe (I'm too lazy to check, so if I'm wrong, I don't care), it's the story of young Ralphie; a boy who wants a Red Ryder B.B. Rifle for Christmas, more than anything else in the world. An early attempt to tell his mother what he wants for Christmas is thwarted by his mother who replies by saying "You'll shoot your eye out.". In the film, we watch Ralphie on his mission to get that Red Ryder B.B. Rifle.

It's hard to explain why this film is so good. I saw if for the first time last night (I gave my mother what-for, for having never shown it to me), and I can confidently say that it's the best Christmas movie I've ever seen. Maybe this wasn't the best movie to write about, since I can't seem to put into words why I love the movie so much. Oh well. I'm hoping that at least a few people will be curious about A Christmas Story, enough to either watch it when it's on tv, or go out and rent it. I strongly urge you to see this film if you haven't already. From what I gather, a lot of people have seen it, and hold it high on their lists of things to watch around Christmas.

God, I feel stupid for actually sending this in to Leo for the issue. It's really, really bad. It's like I wrote it in crayon. I feel like nobody is even going to be reading this far it's so bad. So I'm gonna wrap it up.

Please watch this movie! If you watch it, I'm pretty sure watching it'll be a new part of your Holiday tradition. It's gonna be officially part of mine, once I get the DVD in the next couple of days. If you ignore my urge, then I don't know what to say. `Fuck you'? `And a happy new year'

Jeff can't believe how many fucking retards there are in the world! And for the longest time, he thought he was the only one. Who else thinks Jeff's dying words will be "Mommy, the side of my head is itchy. GRRETSKIIIIIIIII!!!"?