Before some of you start a lynch mob and come to burn me at the stake, hear me out first. I'm one of those people that can either have sex or don't have sex. I don't care about sex as most people do, and because of this, I get all sort of comments by my friends. And by the way, I lost my virginity when I was 15 years old (I'm 23 at the moment.)

I remember one time that I was at my best friend's house drinking some beers because it was his birthday. We were there up until 4 a.m. in the morning. At that time, my friend had a "great" idea. We should go to a whorehouse and fuck some bitches. I was way past drunk at that time, and I said "sure, let's go". So off we went, drunk as hell, and (my two friends who were with me) horny as dogs.

I had no money, as usual, so my friend decided to pay me a hooker. To the place we went, a hooker is 10 bucks for 15 minutes, so my friend gives me 20 bucks to "enjoy" her for half an hour. Another thing you should know about me, I'm very afraid of Venereal Diseases, or any other diseases at that, and I also find any kind of woman's internal fluids (sweat, vaginal fluids, blood, etc.) completely gross (hey, I gross out quickly). So, my friend gave me 20 bucks for a hooker and he even chose one for me.

The hooker and myself walked to a room, and when she closed the door and started to undress, told her my plan. I would give her 10 bucks, because I refused to have sex with her, and she would keep her mouth shut about this to my friend (seems like my friend was a regular). I would keep the other 10 bucks for myself. She agreed to the plan, and we stayed 15 minutes talking shit in bed.

My friend never knew about it, and I got to keep 10 bucks of his.

I tell you all these because what I'm about to tell you guys will freak some people out. Last month I met this chick over the internet. She was my age and she was really smart. We became good (internet) friends in two days, and then she invited me out. We went out to eat and then a movie.

Days later, she told me I was very handsome (as if I didn't knew that already) and that she was having a hard time trying to control her impulses of jumping on top of me then. I just laughed at all this, because to tell you the truth, she was none too good looking. In fact, she was downright ugly, but had a good body.

Then, one day, I was commenting this with some friends and they told me things like "go for it", "fuck her silly", and shit like that. I was like "man, I don't want to," and they began calling me a sissy, fag, etc. You know peer pressure sometimes work, so I decided to give her a shot.

Was that the worst most idiotic decision I have ever taken! God dammit! I regret ever doing that with her! I was completely uninspired with her and I was not even excited. She, on the other hand, was moaning like a raving lunatic. We were at it for like two hours, and nothing. I didn't even came. Then, I suddenly stopped, completely bored, and told her I was going home (we were at her house) and since I didn't have any money for a cab, she should give me a lift. Well, her car didn't start, so she gave me 25 cents to get a bus to go home. For God's sake! 25 fucking cents to get a fucking bus at fucking 1:30 a.m.! There were no buses at that time, so I had to walk home (I live like 30 minutes away from her).

When I was walking, I smelled myself. I reeked of her and her juices! That's when I started running. I wanted so bad to get a shower and clean myself off her filth, but I was so far away from home...

Then something hit me. I had a reeking-of-her underwear and one used condom on my pocket (with all the rush about me wanting to go home, I threw the condom in my pocket). I found a dark corner and took off my pants and underwear and then put my pants back on. With my underwear, I took the condom out of my pocket and folded the underwear around the condom. I was so grossed that as I passed a house, I threw the underwear on their front door (I still imagine the looks of the person that received that little "package" in the morning and the chaos that it would bring).

I finally made it home and I stripped off all my clothing and threw them in the trash (honest to God), then I hit the showers and I was there for about 45 minutes cleaning myself.

That's been the single most aweful sex related experience I've had, and I don't want it to repeat itself.

I know some of you will probably think I'm a closet gay, or whatever the name is, but really, I'm not. I like women. I like romance. I'm a romantic guy. I've never had a sexual thought about men before, and I've never been attracted to any men. Call me sick or whatever you want, but that experience grossed me out. She still calls me everyday to see when we can "see" each other, but I don't want to. If I never see her again, it will be too soon.

Luke de Sade is contemplating what to do with the $10 he saved.

http://con.ca/a11