Alphabetical Index: C
47 records found.
C++ is a waste of time
The interviewer got more than he had bargained for and, subsequently, the editor decided to suppress its contents, 'for the good of the industry' but, as with many of these things, there was a leak.
MoreCabbage Patch Clerk
Truck drivers are most often pissed off. They get paid per job so if you see a parked semi or a driver walking around you can know that every second that they remain that way is another second till their next job, and thus paycheque. So add amphetamine delusion to basic rage and the whole mess of them become this volatile inertial potential: they are either doing NOTHING (all jacked up and pissed off) or driving like a bat out of hell (all jacked up and pissed off). More
Calculated Risks
Ah, falling in love for the first time. How can one forget? You see someone you know nothing about, do your best to find some info on them, and eventually (or not) a beautiful, romantic (and steamy) relationship with this person starts. The first touch of your hands with theirs. The first kiss. And everything, even a rock that the two of you have touched, is the most beautiful thing ever. That is until of course you realize what a real pain in the ass the other person is and you break up as you mutter to yourself "what the fuck was I thinking?" More
Canadian Tired
At 8:45pm, 15 minutes to close (in fact, we were counting the till, about to close early), a tow truck pulls in a 1997 Chevy Venture. The lady inside rolls out of the tow truck and beckons Tam, a service advisor of Canadian Tire, over to her. Wondering what is wrong with her lazy ass self, Tam approaches the middle aged blonde woman. More
Cannibalism, Roman Catholicism, and Mr. Potato Head
I'm not implying that Burger King uses human flesh in its burgers, so the lawyers can settle down. The fact that I was in a Burger King and the fact that I was thinking about cannibalism are purely coincidental. The lawyers may wish to stick around for the part where I postulate that cannibalism is a more pleasant alternative to eating at Burger King again though. More
Carpe fucken' diem
Class was being held at De La Salle, a high school that looked more fitting in some Sir Arthur Conan Doyle book, than in the middle of Toronto. Completely Victorian style, squeaky wood floors, ancient photographs of graduating classes from 1906, and run by priests who were a bunch of vicious fucks (it wouldn't surprise me if I'll hear in a few years about sodomized boys from that school). I was just expecting Robin Williams to pop up from behind some counter and scream from the top of his lungs "CARPE DIEM CARPE DIEM CARPE DIEM!" More
Cat Acne
Even children, with a little skillful parlance--the kind that talked the Natives out of Manhatta--can be made to understand that however much discomfort they're in now, the nice man with the rectal thermometer will make it all better in the long run. More
CCD-emons
For some unknown reason the Catholic Church still trusts me. So much in fact that they put me in charge of a 6th grade CCD class. I don't even know what CCD stands for, but that don't mean I can't teach 'dem kids no religion. More
Cellular Immobility
Three months after the cellphone arrived to me, the antennae, a combination of a piece of metal so thin I could use it to floss my teeth and a plastic cap the equivalent of a suppository, snapped off. I didn't even have to try to snap it off. I pulled it up and it stayed in my hand. For something you pay in the verge of $130, you'd expect a little durability. At least I would, unless that ideology makes me extraordinarily unique in this world. More
Cement: It Keeps You Hard
When someone says Kama Sutra, the first thing that pops to mind is a bunch of Indians in kinky positions doing it in all sorts of disturbing ways. More than once I've wondered who, in their right mind, would consider doing it in a position that should, under any other circumstance, snap your back in half and leave you in a tangled mess for the paramedics to find. More
Cereal Killer
It's not easy being a star, now matter how little, or how big. The price of fame must be paid if you're an A-list actor, or a cereal mascot. More
Chain letters
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. More
Claim
Think of childhood and the way a child perceives the world - fresh, without bias and preconceptions. Childhood produces memories which are more or less arbitrary. A child knows no categories to distinguish what he or she encounters, and with no memories against which to compare the world around you, all your perceptions will be equally impressionable. There is wonder in every direction. More
Clinton
Why am I giving you a report on "What I saw..."? Because I have one simple question, "Since when did the leader of the free world's sexual promiscuity become more important then the possibility of NUCLEAR FREAKIN' WAR?!?" More
Closer still
Computers hummed in the cramped room. Monitors broke the morning light with their plastic glow. Dead light fighting the life trying to claw its way into the dusky atmosphere behind unwashed windows. (Hit "play" before reading.) More
Closing Time Bloody Closing Time
The store was empty as I began locking up. Seeing that there were tons of chocolate bars lying around, I took a few; no one would know. Anyways, we lost pretty much everything when we got robbed by Jojo the dog-faced boy earlier today. Holy lord, what a mess. The jingle of the door chimes interrupted my reflection. More
Coffee Dive
One of the perks of working in a coffee shop is that often you get to work with really beautiful women and develop friendships without the innate suspicion that all you are trying to do is fuck them. It's a good thing, that. I never really go on the make (tangentially: whenever I do something really horrendous happens), so its really annoying to me when a woman blows me off simply because she is used to guys having ulterior motives at all times, and assume that I am the same. More
College Entrance Exam
The Rugby player version. More
Computer Backup
"Make sure you do regular backups," I told our client after we had delivered their new computer. "These little beasts, for all their blinkenlights, aren't as smart as they look, and will occasionally crash." More
CoN (not) at the Movies
S’up bitches!?!?! I’ve watched a whole 3 movies in the last two weeks. That be weak. I’d like to blame it on my broken DVD player, but it just broke a few days ago (fucker!). I just haven’t been in the mood, so I have very little to talk about here. I’ll try to pad it out with a bunch of stupid shit you won’t want to read. More
47 records found.
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