Alphabetical Index: B
37 records found.
Bachelour Noodles
There are three things that quickly identify you as a bachelor. The pile of dirty clothes, your sink and the state of your fridge. More
Bad Historical Comparisons and What Iraq is really about
Comparing Saddam Hussein to Adolf Hitler is absurd under any context. Hitler was voted into power. He then recontextualized and consolidated a demoralized country into the most formidable military power of its time. Iraq is an impoverished, third world country run by a dictator who has to spend most of his time watching his back, and has nothing like the cohesive government let alone the economic and military might, that Hitler wielded before and during WW2. More
Bagels of the Grateful
For all the shit I give hippies, truth is: I really like them more than most of the cliques Humans have coagulated into; but GOD FORBID that I should ever have to work with that many of them again! GOD FORBID I should ever have to listen to SO MANY GODDAMN HOURS of Grateful Dead, collectively, for the rest of my life. More
Bah, so this is Christmas...
If I hear "Deck The Halls" one more time I am going to take a couple of candy canes and ram them in my ears to stop that horrific tune from destroying the little brain matter I have left. So help me God. More
Balancing on the wheel: Misadventures of a Strange Kind
Five months into 1999 and the only resolution you haven't given up on is the one you haven't yet tried. Your June self simply isn't good enough for your January self. Let's not even get into September. Don't kid me -- that's my story too. More
Banffology
For those of you that do not know, Banff is a small town situated smack dab in the middle of one of Canada's most beautiful National Parks. This place is aptly named, Banff National Park and is about an hour from the city of Calgary. After much debate, it was decided that the we, four friends from age of adolescence gone by, would explore Banff at the invitation of a friend of ours. More
Bankers
Economics, like many faith based beliefs, actually depends on wilful ignorance in order to exist. Bankers are the front line of this faith. They claim natural disaster when human failings are inevitably the cause. They create double-speak and misdirection in order to maintain control of a system of value that has nothing to do with the real world. More
Basil Baxter dances with the children
Today's event would be an exceptionally good one. Having all but completely depleted the sordid pool of muck that is TV-formats that end with "with the stars", the TV production company had moved on to "with the children". Basil Baxter can think of many things to do that involve children. Mostly it also involves either killing them or recruiting them as assassins. More
Basil Baxter goes to a concert
There was a long line at the venue. Fortunately Basil had had the foresight to arrange backstage passes so he whistled a little tune as he nonchalantly sauntered past the waiting throng to the VIP entrance. His passes were all-access and one special one that would give him dressing-room access. More
Basil Baxter goes to a movie premiere
Outside throngs of kiddies, accompanied by parents with visibly frayed nerves (as is always the case whenever large packs of toddlers gather) were waiting in the pale sunshine. Large signs proclaimed that there was to be a movie premiere. This was just perfect. Basil Baxter loves movie premieres. He loves any reason for crowds to gather. More
Basil Baxter goes to a wedding
The vicar had made a moving speech. The bride and groom were very much in love. The mothers had cried, the fathers were still swaying from the copious amounts of beer they had imbibed at the bachelor party. It looked like rain, but for now it was still dry. It was a pretty spring morning and blossoms floated through the air. It was going to be a pretty picture, just how pretty, only Basil knew. More
Basil Baxter pours a new driveway
It was early in the morning. Outside the birds sang. It was going to be a sunny spring day. Basil had just disconnected a phone call from the contractor; his cement truck was due to arrive in three hours. He sat down to finish his breakfast. (Kitten with pancakes and syrup.) More
Basil Baxter shares his toys
Dear Usama,
Thank you for your interest in joining Basil Baxter on his drive to purge the world of all that possesses life. Your kind letter has brightened Basil Baxter's day. More
Basil Baxter writes to Santa
First and foremost, Basil Baxter (who Loves You) wishes to address some personal grievances. Basil Baxter (who Loves You) has noted with mounting displeasure that, despite claims to the contrary by your extensive PR department, you apparently do not, in fact, read all letters sent to you. More
Beaten with the Measuring Stick
You think you're a more intellectually and emotionally evolved person. You come to Capital of Nasty, you read the astute writings of those who conglomerate here, think about it, agree with it or outright dismiss it as a waste of ones and zeroes that add up to nothing at all. More
Being Here
I came here when I was eight years old. We moved to Montreal in 1977 just months after Bill 101 passed. We read information on Canada: it's an immigration friendly country! it has two official languages! it's a big country with lots of natural beauty! I guess one out of three isn't bad. More
Being Misquoted
Everybody's got a little quirk when it comes to the English language. Some people just hate hearing certain things--it causes your frontal lobe to growl, your face to grimace, it clenches your butt cheeks. Some people hate seeing commonly misspelled words like "alot," double-negatives, or non-existent words like "irregardless." With me, it's the improper use of quotation marks. More
Best Kind of Wonderful
The Best Kind of Relationships, I believe, are the monogamous marriages. You know the kind, the ones that last forever, and you see a little old man kiss a little old lady every time he leaves the house, even if the reason behind leaving the house is to go pick her a flower from the garden. More
Better Education Through Chemistry
I never had one of those inspiring movie teachers. You know, the ones like Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society. Nobody encouraged me to stand on desks and shout poetry. That's fine, because the Augustans and Romantics put me into a deep coma (Victorians and Moderns fucking kick ass). More
Big Green Coffee
They paved paradise and put up a Starbucks
With plenty of grinders and a bunch of fake arthouse schmucks
Do we need another one?
There was a bookstore but now it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a Starbucks
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop More
37 records found.
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